Cultural Adventures of a New Mom 新任媽媽的文化路程
Written by Deborah Chan
Translated by Jennifer J. Lau
Navigating the rituals of Chinese culture is no easy task. Growing up, I was fortunate to have had my mom and grandmother lead the way for me. They provided guidance on what to do, how to do it, and (sometimes) answers as to why I had to do it — which meant I had little to worry about. As I reached adulthood, this all changed. Shortly before my wedding, my mother passed away of lung cancer, followed by my grandmother three years later. In a matter of only a few years, the women who took care of me and guided me throughout my life were gone and ahead of me was the unknown journey of becoming a mother myself, for which I had no compass.
要懂得怎樣在中國傳統文化裡穿梭是一件不容易的事情。在我的成長過程裡，我有幸有媽媽與婆婆帶路，作為我的指南針。在每個場合或聚會，她們都會提示我應該要做的舉動和應該說的話。有時候，她們還會解釋為什麼要這樣做給我聽。因此，小時候我沒有太多憂慮地迎接每個場合和不同的聚會。當我懂事的時候，我變得迷惘。因為我媽媽在我結婚後不久，因肺癌而去世。而我婆婆在媽媽離開我三年後，也都歸天家。短短幾年之間，我敬佩的長輩和幫我導航引路的人，在我生命中消失了。而面前的，是一個我不知道怎樣去面對的歷程。當我自己為人母親的時候，我發現我並沒有一個可以依靠的指南針。
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As a first time mom, I had a lot to consider particularly in terms of balancing the traditions and rituals of “the East” versus “the West.” In the East, an expectant mother should avoid jumping and bending down. Any rigorous physical activity should be kept to a minimum because it is seen as harmful to the child in the womb. Western traditions such as a “baby moon” were foreign to my mother–in-law and when I shared photos of our relaxing pre-baby trip with my aunts, they were horrified by my obligatory jumping photos. This was perceived as unacceptable.
第一次當媽媽的時候，我顧慮了很多。特別是怎樣在中西文化之間找到平衡。東方文化裡，懷孕的女士不應該動作太大，不應該跳動，也不應該彎腰。這些都被視為對肚子裡的孩子不好。西方文化裡則有“babymoon”的習慣；它是準爸爸媽媽一起同肚子裡的寶貝去的一趟旅行。對我的岳母來說，懷著孕去旅行是很新奇的。但是問題出現在於我跟她和我姨姨分享旅行的相片的時候，相片中有我跟丈夫認為有趣跳起的證據。她們吃驚了，因為她們都覺得這些動作是絕對不能做的。
But it wasn’t only my aunts and mother-in-law who were concerned about my movements. My dad cautioned me against raising my arms above my head but never explained why. This made it difficult for me to tell him about all the prenatal aqua fit, yoga and aerobics classes I had enrolled in. Funnily enough, it was an aerobics instructor at the Jewish Community Centre that explained to me the reasoning behind this superstition: raising your arms above your head would cause the baby’s umbilical cord to wrap around its neck, or so she had heard. This is an old wives tale that is found in Chinese and English forums and communities, among others. I felt at a loss sometimes trying to figure out which advice to take from my family about my pregnancy.
不過關心我的一舉一動的人，不只是我姨姨跟岳母。我爸爸也提醒我不要把雙手舉起，可是他沒有跟我解釋為什麼。因此，我發覺很難開口跟他說我已經報了名，快要參加產前水上瑜珈和產前有氧運動班。有趣的是在我在多倫多猶太人的社區中心 (Jewish Community Centre) 的運動老師跟我解釋了為什麼很多人認為懷孕時不能舉起雙手的信念。她說，很多人相信如果舉起雙手，孩子會被自己的臍帶纏住，而這個迷信故事出現在不同文化裡。我發現我懷孕期間會常常迷失了方向，因為我不知道我家人的溫柔提醒到底有沒有根據。
In addition in Eastern culture, close family usually helps the new mother postpartum at home and prepares meals for her while she is recovering from childbirth. For my mother-in-law, the resources of a doula (which were common amongst my friends and colleagues) were out of the question. Were these conflicts and perceptions cultural? I thought to myself.
再說，東方文化裡有坐月的習慣。坐月時候，新任媽媽被親人細心照顧。西方文化比較流行聘請一個人回家照顧新任媽媽。我很多朋友與工作上的夥伴都會這樣做。可是對我岳母來說，這是不對的。我心裡開始想：這些不同的意見跟文化相關嗎？
“To this day, I still feel the absence of my mother and grandmother in my life, for I wish they could have also prepared the stew for me, and explained to me why I should or should not raise my hands above my head or jump when pregnant. However, because of the traditions that live on in the Chinese culture and community, I experienced the blessing of being fed both physically and emotionally by the kind gestures of my mother-in-law. ”
That being said, there were times I appreciated the Chinese practices. This was especially true after I gave birth to my first beautiful daughter. While some may feel stifled by the Chinese tradition to take one month of seclusion, I felt blessed to be cared for while being excused from the social pressures of entertaining visitors. I certainly needed the rest and was happy to be fed restorative foods such as rice wine chicken, ginger rice, and green papaya with fish soup. I enjoyed the vinegar eggs most of all since they served as the perfect snack for those nights when I needed to fuel my body for breastfeeding. This practice is called zuoyue 坐月 in Mandarin or zojyut in Cantonese, which literally translates to sitting on a month.
說了那麼多，我還是會覺得有些中國習俗是值得保留的。 還記得我生下我第一個寶貝女兒的時候，可以在家裡休息 一個月是多麼幸福的事。坐月時不用面對很多人，也不用應酬任何人。除了休息之外，還有很多為我而準備的食物， 例如：醉酒雞，薑絲飯，和木瓜花生魚湯。我最愛吃的是薑醋蛋。它不但好吃，在深夜時，它也給我力量去哺乳。
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I think friends and family benefited from the Chinese traditional practices too. After giving birth, it is common for the family of the new mother to prepare traditional pig knuckle and ginger stew, also known as zhujiaojiang 豬腳薑 in Mandarin or goengcou in Cantonese 薑醋 (literally Pig’s Feet Ginger or Ginger Vinegar). Prepared for hours in an enormous clay pot, my mother-in-law peeled many pounds of ginger for the stew. The ginger is seen as important for the woman to counter the “wind” created by the birthing process. It is commonly believed that this “wind” is what causes common colds and flus, when a person has not taken proper precautions to protect themselves from it. Personally, whether this ginger truly had healing powers mattered little, it was actually really delicious. Each mouthful was sweet and savoury. Friends and family also had their share of the stew.
我得益之外，我的朋友跟親人也因為某些中國傳統習俗而得福。普遍來說，唐人都會為新任媽媽煮豬腳薑（另稱：薑醋）。我岳母用好幾個小時來弄。她也放了很多薑絲在裡面，薑被視為對剛生下孩子的女人特別好，因為薑是有驅風的作用。對我來說，就算這些薑沒功效也無所謂。它的味道蠻好的！每一口薑醋含有甜的鹹的味道！我的朋友跟親人也因為這個習俗吃到那麼營養豐富而補身的美味的食物。
To this day, I still feel the absence of my mother and grandmother in my life, for I wish they could have also prepared the stew for me, and explained to me why I should or should not raise my hands above my head or jump when pregnant. However, because of the traditions that live on in the Chinese culture and community, I experienced the blessing of being fed both physically and emotionally by the kind gestures of my mother-in-law. It brought me great comfort to be on the receiving end of her attention before and after the birth of my children, and I continue to experience the love of many past generations through those who are with me today. The cultural rituals and traditions allow me to stay connected in a special way with my late grandmother and mother, and hopefully I will have the opportunity to help my kids navigate the way if and when they become mothers themselves.
直到今日，我還是很想念媽媽與婆婆。我真的希望是她們為我煮薑醋，為我解釋為什麼懷孕時不能舉起雙手，或者告訴我為什麼懷孕時不能跳起來。不過因為中國傳統習俗在我們華人社會還保留著，我還有機會透過這些習俗而維持我跟她們的關係。我也很感謝有岳母的悉心照顧，給我精神上和身體上的力量。她給予我跟我兩個女兒的愛讓我感受到可以跨越時間和空間的母愛。雖然是一種缺陷美，雖然真的希望媽媽婆婆依然可以在我身邊指點迷津，但是我會繼續用我們的傳統文化和習俗來報答她們的愛護。未來，我也希望可以當我孩子的指南針。
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